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No opportunities for EX-GANG MEMBERS

S O L I T A R Y  *  S T O R Y  # 3


     For the older generation that will hopefully be reading my story, and especially the younger generation, I want you to know I'm not writing my story to seek negative or sensational attention. I'm simply writing a story about my REAL LIFE and being an active gang member for sixteen years -- and about changing my life. I also want everyone to understand that just because one has been a gang member does not mean he cannot change his life to a positive. I want you to understand how the odds are stacked against us ex-gang members being able to change within the Department of Corrections.

     For the younger generation: "gang-bangin" serves NO purpose for your family nor for you and your future, nor those who want to help you change. I was in a gang from 1997 to 2007. There were about thirty of us. Every one of us are today in prison or suffering from our educational neglect while struggling to survive economically. This particular gang was originally founded in Chicago. We started a branch in my home town. I was an active gang member with the Bloodz for ten years and simply because of my choice in color I started having issues involving another gang. They were not my rivals, except in colors, and the current homeboys were from another gang, but the same color as I.

     1999:   I was 15 years old hangin on the westside with twelve other homies including my (Native-gangsta-crip) homies. We all grew up together so there was no beef. All of us were in the back-yard drinkin, just kickin it on the westside. A few hours later my homeboy says, Lets get som LSD." So we do. Two hours later we all get back with some paper-hits AKA pink elephant. We each take two papers that have two hits on each. Like 45 minutes later we hear a fight break out and I'm positive it's the two "NGC" cousins. They do the same thing every weekend: they drink and then they fight. So like two hours go by and finally they are done fightin. It's about 11:50 PM and some of the homies say, "Lets go walk." Half the homies stay back. So there's eight of us going, and in 1999 you should always bring eight to ten homies and possibly a gun. By now it's extremely dark out, and always before we leave the alley we stop to listen and see if anyone's around.

     The only thing any of us hear is a car idling two or three alleys away, so we figure it's nothing and start walking again. We only get about two houses away when the car slams in gear and peels off in our direction. It's so dark I have no clue how they ever saw us. As soon as we hear "drive-by" we all break for my homie's house -- my homie from NGC. His house has a back door that immediately drops into his basement. He never tried to open the door. His 240 pounds ran right through his own back door as we all dove into his basement, as hand-gun and shot-gun blasts opened fire on his house. My homie that broke his own door down is now breaking light-bulfs as he slides a pistol-grip 12 gage to me that hits me in my feet. Ten seconds later we hear car doors opening and now there is no back door to his house!

    If they try to come in we're all getting murder charges because there is no way to see any of us, and the way his basement is set up there is no possible way for these guys to win this situation. So my homie says, "Plug your ears so you can hear if they leave when I'm done shooting." So he puts five rounds of 45 into the foundation. As I unplug my ears I hear people running and car doors slamming and peeling off. We wait till day-light to come out and check the house out. It sounded like they'd put a hundred rounds in the house, but we could only find twelve holes and they'd missed every window. We figured some must have been firing in the air. By this time it's 7:00 AM and my pager goes off. It's my Mom. So much has happened this night I'm wondering: why is she paging me so early. So I call and I'd completely forgot it was my cousin's funeral today! He took his own life with a 30-30 hunting rifle. So now I'm trippin cuz I'm still pretty messed up from the LSD.

     Anyways, because I'd been in both gangs, I'm extremely lucky to be alive. Like that saying goes (and it's absolutely true): if you wanna gang-bang there's two places where you're gonna end up: in prison or dead. So I'm now sitting in prison for 12 years. If you looked up my police report you would find even the victims say I was not the one who pulled the fatal trigger. You can call that guilty by association, so yes in this case I'm claiming innocence. I'm not saying I'm totally innocent, but in fact "guilty" of things I've never been caught for. I'm not bitter, only stating my opinion because it's my right -- especially when the people who tell me to do right, they themselves are not following the same rules which they tell me to follow.

     I'll explain why I've decided to change my life. I was seeing my mother and my kids almost every other weekend, but being a gang member took me from my family for seven years. After being a gang member for sixteen years I was extremely tired of loss and heartache. All I have seen since I've been in prison is favoritism and a bunch of greedy individuals. Seeing my children in visitation I realize I've provided nothing for them, and the fact they have no mother or father to ask those questions I had asked as a child, to experience a bond with your mother and father, which is extremely important. I pray to God they make out in life better than I have. My mother and father are the best parents one could ever hope for, and I had a lot do do with the pain and agony they have been through -- so much it could easily make one cry or choke back some tears. It went like this: 

     Their first-born died when he was only sixteen. Then my cousin took his own life. Then my mother's father passed away. Then my dad's father passed away. Then my mother lost her mother. At the same time I was being sentenced for twelve years and they were trying to adopt all four of my children. So I pretty much felt as if I was choosing my gang over my family. So I immediately took the nearest exit. Also I got Xed out over eighty dollars. So my so-called homies traded $$$$$ over my sixteen years of loyalty and sacrifice. In the end I'm happy with my decision and I'm finally free of all gang involvement.

     So as of 8/15/12 I chose my only path. I'm currently in a maximum custody facility. I'd like to remind everyone I did absolutely nothing wrong to be in maximum custody, and I still have all 67 of my points, meaning I've been in no trouble at all. I chose to change my life to better my future. If I'm not allowed to change in prison how will I be able to change once I am released, when the odds are stacked against me? I never knew choosing the positive path was going to be punished by the Department of Corrections. I was put into the same IMU (Intensive Management Unit) as one who carries out violent gang missions for the shot-callers. We ex-gang members are trying to establish positive changes, but are being subjected to extremely negative actions by the Department of Corrections. They are putting us with the same violent gang members who try to stab us ex-gang members for choosing the positive path we have. The main reason they build IMUs is for violent killers such as certain gang members who are lifers. And then too we have such as the "green river killer" (who is only a couple of pods away). The Department has no opportunities for us ex-gang members to change. We're not allowed to go to pretty much any mainline in the system, because all the active gang members are running the mainlines! This accounts for most of the crime and violence in and out of prison: the Department of Corrections' failure to allow ex-gang members to better themselves.

 
[[[[[ To correspond with this inmate, email a message to him at epochthree3@yahoo.com with Solitary Story #3 in the subject line. ]]]]] 

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