~~A Course in Miracles (M7)

....Slowing things down by diligently engaging my mind and thinking things through is really how I've been able to conquer my life-destroying pain, guilt, shame, fear, etc.; how I've been able to conquer my drug addictions; how I've been able to gain control over my chaotic life and make sense of it all; and how I've been able to expand my knowledge and thereby free myself from the negative/criminal lifestyle and all that it entails. It's a slow process, but as long as one stays true and continues to make the right choices, then progress and success is inevitable.

....I wouldn't be where I'm at today in terms of my stronghold in life: my positive outlook; my emotional, mental and intellectual stability - if it wasn't for my penpal/friend at Taxpayers for Prison Reform, publisher of "Some of The Above Newsletter." He helped me see that there is so much more to life than the NEGATIVE one I was living. He helped to free me from my internal prison. What do I mean by this? Well, there are two kinds of prisons: external and internal. The external prison is imposed from without by "society" - the law, law enforcement, judges and jailers; it entails the confining of man's physical body in a cage. The internal prison is imposed from within by the negative thoughts we think, the false conclusions we draw from our experiences, and the erroneous beliefs we come to hold. This internal cage confines one's mind and spirit in a false reality/world, thereby preventing one from seeing and actualizing his potential as a human being: as a child of the infinitely positive Spiritual Force which many call God.

This internal, self-imposed prison is the cause of one's external imprisonment. To understand this point, we only need to recognize that our thoughts, conclusions and beliefs are the cause of our behavior: the cause of what we do or don't do in our daily life. This leads us logically to the following conclusion: if man's external captivity is caused by his internal captivity, then man's INTERNAL liberation is the key to obtaining and keeping one's external liberty. In other words, a mind that is freed from its chronic negative thinking, its false conclusions and erroneous beliefs, will result in a happy and successful life.

Unfortunately the opposite is not also true. A person who is freed from his external prison (juvenile, jail or prison), still remains a captive of his own mind (internal prison), which led to his imprisonment (assuming of course that it was a just imprisonment) in the first place. He will in all likelihood be incarcerated again, for all of his actions will be, as before, based on his negative thoughts and their resultant false conclusions and erroneous beliefs.

Thus TRUE freedom comes from liberating a person's mental/spiritual behavior.

....How did my dear friend help to free me from my internal prison? He helped me see and understand that there is so much more to life than the negative existence I was living. How did he do that?

He gave me his friendship. When I messed up or made a bad choice, he stood beside me, as opposed to turning his back on me. When I didn't understand something, he was patient in helping me to understand. By sending me books he re-introduced me to my old abandoned joy of reading, thereby providing me the opportunity to expand my knowledge and over-all outlook on life. It is no exagerration to say that he saved my life.

Looking back at all this, I see that he entered my life at exactly the right time: when I needed his friendship (and all that it entailed) the most. I was in solitary confinement in a severely misconceived (and as it turned out, illegal) "behavior modification program" where I had been for over two years straight, when I got his letter. At that point I had endured much cruelty at the hands of prison officials: I was starved, denied water, forced to live naked in a bare concrete cell in the middle of winter, sprayed with pepper spray and denied any opportunity to wash it off, so that my skin welted up and burned for days on end. I was subjected to an excessive use of force, wherein my shoulder and lat muscles were torn, and so on. In addition to this I was suffering from intense paranoia and anxiety....

In the midst of all this, I received a letter from him, telling me that he was going to basically make my mind anew. When I read this, I thought, "Yeah right!" Much later he and I talked about this statement of his, which has in many respects come true. He asserts that the statement was almost as mysterious to him as it was to me at the time: more a statement of hopeful intention - but accompanied by a feeling of great certainty.

We both feel certain now that he, with the help and guidance of spiritual guardian/guide(s), helped me to renew my mind and spirit. That is, freed me from my internal prison. Such guidance and intervention in both our lives has steadily increased to the point that it is no longer surprising when it happens. Also it now often affects others we come in contact with. (The Sant Mat spiritual tradition, we have learned, has a saying about this kind of spiritual contagion: "It can't be bought, it can't be taught - it can only be caught." An effective cure for the pandemic of negativity on the planet is a pandemic of positivity.)

"Remember no one is where he is by accident, and chance plays no part in God's plan."

~~A Course in Miracles (M26)

....It all started with a book....

....He generously sent me a book entitled "Excuse me Mr. President" by Mister Rick Springer, a courageous activist's memoir about his inspired and inspiring life as an organizer engaged in the important struggle against the Reagan administration's illegal policy of testing nuclear bombs on an Indian reservation in Nevada.

This moving account of one man's struggle against injustice not only opened my mind to a world beyond my experiences, but it also compelled me to contemplate some basic questions. Who am I? Why am I here on earth? How did I manage to end up here in prison? Is the negativity and chaos of prison life all there is for me, or is it possible that I may be able to change my life and somehow contribute to the greater good of the human family? This one book and the thoughts and questioning it evoked constituted my destined introduction into political and other studies, like psychology, philosophy, spirituality and so on.

Like the snake that sheds its skin so that it may live, I, with the ongoing help and support of my friend and a few other free-world friends I've met since my incarceration, began to slowly but surely transform my "self," as I searched the mangled wreckage of my past for clues that would help me rid my self of the psychological skin of negative thoughts, false conclusions and erroneous beliefs and ideas.

But old habits die hard, and if the spiritual warrior grows complacent or careless on the mental battlefield, the old negative drone of cynical thought, pessimistic conclusions and self-destructive beliefs will immediately counter-attack and drive him back toward the abyss.

The battle is not won in a day. My desire for positive change led me on a journey through the brilliant minds and lives of Martin Luther King, Jr., Henry David Thoreau, Gandhi, Walter Karp, John Taylor Gatto, Victor Frankl, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, and many other heroes and heroines. I learn a great deal from them every day - not only about them and their ideas, but most importantly about myself. Nevertheless, sometimes the ancient habits of negative thought sneak through and threaten to overwhelm my new life. That's when I must remember man's ancient destiny:

In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy Heavenly friend,
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.